The Aluminum Screen

I've been searching for the words to say,

to lay across this aluminum page.

But nothing seems the same,

as a gesture or a saying.

for all i've got is this aluminum screen.

to type the things, you'll only see.

where words or meanings don't mean a thing,

backed by no emotional feeling.

it's like i'm typing my regrets,

to a world that cannot speak.

where ignorance has left,

replaced by little meaning.

where my heart may skip a beat;

but it's nothing you can keep.

for if we ever greet,

you won't know who i am.

The Film.

I’m living in a land,

of dreams and revery.

Of birds and bees and silly things that cloud my cluttered head.

But the daffodils are dying, the moon is hanging high,

my dreams are shifting into things, it seems to become night.

The shapes are falling inwards upon my troubled head.

My dreams of happy, pretty things are dying, quickly dead.

I’m troubled for forewarnings,

browsing through the depths.

I see them all come closer, this nightmare will not end.

I’m pounding at the walls, quickly closing in.

I’m stuck in a nightmare that seems to never end.

My mind has created sorrows, gruesome, and unkind.

Like a film across a movie screen,

it seems that i have died.

My Beautiful Zion.

I saw my death before me,

as morning has seen light.

my body lay forewarning,

of autumn’s sweet,sweet sighs.

it twisted in an awkward way,

lying so exposed.

as fate would have it clearly,

to tell a story more.

a girl of soft cried sorrows.

of mourning, but of night.

she forgot to tell her secrets

and kept them all inside.

so eventually they chafed,

inside her stone cold soul.

until a rash had begun,

thinning the poor toll.

then the tolls man was questioned,

by the secrets wits.

to let him out, about,

before he died of sick.

the tolls man was quite weary,

as the chafing wore him down.

so the girl let out her secrets,

shortly with a frown.

as they stared into her eyes,

the color of the sea,

they pondered what was wrong with her

and how to set her free.

all she ever wanted was her solitude and peace,

but her heart had been broken

by the looks for secrets released.

they stared at her in silence,

waiting for her help.

terrified of what she was,

waiting for the yelp.

soon she grew past tormented,

from all the glances on.

and there she came to lay in vain,

in beautiful zion.

time after time;;

We take drugs like candy

;take weed like wine.

sip,sip a little drip,

time after time.

An addiction soon controls us.

It's one i'll never mind

because that little drip

and that little sip

soothe me time after time.

So take me to my leader.

blame me for false deeds,

but my dear

it's awfully clear

that i don't really mind.

i'll hear that little drip

as part of me rewinds

to a time and place where

things weren't in haste.

when i had a stable mind.

the seasons.

oh, breezy winter.

how your winds drift in so cold.

shivering septembers, run towards the autumn doors.

closer to the evening but farther from the day.

i smelled your scent drifting from far-far away.

and in that wintery season,

i stepped outside my door;

to find that either things had lightened up or i’d been shadowed like before.

my days had gone by quickly,

with irrelevance.

as i sat bearing a burden, a feat nonetheless.

my heart continued aching.

whilst the snow shut me in.

spring flowers began to blossom.

as hibernation seemed to end.

then in my cave came summer,

burning hot again.

but i had no intention of exploring,

the seasons that came pouring in.

for i was left heartbroken, dying from within.

into the abyss.

some days i wish i would die away.

then i would finally fly away.

to turn into the bay and drive away,

into the never-ending abyss of depression.

the red on my wrists never disappears.

it’s has become an addiction i fear.

when death is so near;

i’m walking towards the abyss of devotion.

and dear, i don’t want to hurt your feelings.

but this isn’t sentiment i’m dealing.

my heart just keeps peeling.

it’s breaking into the abyss of fury.

this isn’t a mere song.

i’m afraid i’ve felt this all along.

the burning, the passion, with every new ration.

i know you haven’t felt good.

(but dear i’m much worse.)

‘cause my hearts been breaking,

and my minds been aching.

(as the blood is pouring at a chorus.)

for i’ve lost all my thought in a passionless knot.

(thinking about heaven and hell.)

my tossing and turning is the image of yearning

as i picture my gruesome, self-destruction.

so i’ll jog at a pace, i’ve ran at all day,

and i will fall into the abyss of hell.

simpler days.

i heard there was a god,

who chose which place was yours.

heaven or hell, blasted as well,

but nothing retrieved from the start.

so i expanded this dream,

of simpler things and a person who chose all my life.

but these simpler things just became unwanted dreams

and now he’s got nothing to siphon.

because god ruined my faith by turning away

and cutting my wrists with a blade.

and if i had faith i’d ask him to take me away

;to reincarnate me as a dove.

where simpler dreams really know what they mean

and my wings keep me high, high above

the rest of those beings can continue their own dreams

and not have to worry about love.

but their lives seem so bleak when their dreams aren’t in ink.

and their hearts are lost with a king.

so i’ll sing my foul song about running along,

and hope some one hears its sweet ring.

for i cannot think

how your faith cannot shrink.

when life seems so hard to continue.

when i rattle and yawn,grow weak and wait for dawn.

when all i’ve ever done is feel misery.

when god made me think of such gruesome,

terrible things.

that have put me in my coffin by now.

so slay my own heart,

it had a rhythmic start

but faith has still put it to an end.

for my heart cannot think

but my brain shall not link to a faith that is tearing us apart.

i’ve lost my faith in simpler days,

but now i’ve been defeated.

a cheap little trick, that lets god keep his wits and leaves me a flying new dove.