Inexpicable beauty of a nothing.

when it all restarts...who will i be. i'm practically in tears....and that seems so strange. To be weak yet find I'm strong enough to lead others...to not be able to explain the need to sleep my body finds even though it has seemed to have gotten more than it ever has. My aching hip, pops out of place every time I get up...I don't understand why, don't really care. Burned my tongue, don't care, at least it'll stop me from eating as much. Maybe I'll lose this plump belly I'm developing...didn't think I'd develop anything...apparently I get fat too. How depressing. Called dumb by my math teacher, called uncoordinated by my piano teacher, called many things, no explanation for any. Feelings hurt now, ignore them. Dreams continue, pushing them to the back of my memory. My mind used to feel consumed in thought, staring in a blankness comparible to a zombies. Agression, faster. Spelling, confused. Grammar, lost. Thoughts, slowed. Changes I can see, none...yet didn't I just list many. Confusion, yes. Communication, little. Hyper, until I pass out. Slow&old music, much. The attempt at putting a smile on my face, much. The want to be beautiful, inexplicably great. I'll fix beauty first, in three months I'll be nothing but a robot and I think I'll like it. The vast knowledge of a beautiful dictionary suddenly becoming me. I promise I'm never going to fail myself.