Losing.

Other than now being alone I'm at a loss for words. I know this seems....redundant but...love should not exist.I'm "somnolent" today. You wanna know what that means cause I have such a huge vocabulary? It means drowsy and I'm getting more and more "somnolent" by the week. My eyes have lines under them and I can barely keep my eyes open. They're blinking rapidly trying to tell me to sleep, I don't want to. I guess I have a tendency to be...sad but I'm not sure what to call that. I've had some one tell me to go try to see some one for my nightmare issue. I'm afraid too, that seems...bad. What if they make me take medicine? What do I tell them that "I'm sorry but....I can't take those...It's kinda like a phobia.". They'd tell me to stop being an idiot and take them like they did last year when I was sick. I hate doctors even if my mom's an x-ray tech.

That all seemed rather depressed and blase.

Well I'm ignorant and blind.

So I guess that's it. I don't think I'm smart, I think I'm ugly, and fat and I don't give a fuck what you think about my opinion. Cause honestly I'm sick of people telling me not to think I'm ugly or fat or smart because honestly, if you think about it in my perspective I am.

I'm sorry. I'm getting carried away, I love italic. It's so beautiful compared to regular. Too bad it doesn't serve much of a purpose.

My dad's still working on our house and it's wearing me down to a piece of thread as thin as a fingernail, maybe thinner. I hear car doors slamming, confused. I just now thought about if maybe you can't follow any of this. On the other hand it doesn't matter I guess, I just want to get this out not make it insanely public. Cause honestly I want my thoughts hidden

Anyways I must go goodbye, friends and peers